Naughty Celebs: March 2006

Kelly Osbourne the Writer

The Osbournes are one hell of a family; with the hard-rockin' father Ozzy Osbourne, talk-show host mother, and enough dogs to start a puppy brigade! Kelly Osbourne is now following in her mothers footsteps and writing a book about her crazy life.

With life in rehab, failed rock-star romances, and a family that can be classified as 'nutty', this book should be quite a gem. "I am definitely going to write an autobiography, so watch out for it", states Kelly. Some baggage and rules comes along with her new career path though.

"There is no way I would ever do Celebrity X Factor, even though my mother is involved. And I would never even dream of releasing a fitness video with my brother Jack, even though we've both lost loads of weight recently", states Kelly Osbourne. Your book should have enough drama and content to keep up the expectations of the readers... but why not use your family to get the book's popularity higher in rank? Oh well, do it on your own steam... and or lack there of.

Cover Your Ass Kidman

Rumor has it that Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are soon to wed. Like the Kanye West song "Gold Digger" proclaims "We Want Prenup!," so do Kidman's parents. Prior to getting wed, Kidman's parents attempted to force Kidman to get a prenuptial agreement.

You are holding on to a $160 million fortune, why would you want to split that down the middle? Nicole's father was a smart parent by saying "I know you love Keith, we're quite fond of him ourselves, but you have to cover yourself." "Nicole took the advice in the spirit it was given but has yet to come to a decision."

The way celebrity marraiges are going... who knows if it will ever even come to be! Kidman denied claims she is getting hitched. Kidman's publicist stated, "The story is nonsense. I know of no wedding. I know of no wedding date. I know of no wedding plans." Probably because she came to her senses and dished Keight Urban a PreNup :)

K-Fed: The Ultimate Tool

Kevin Federline, Britney Spear's wife, has an album coming out called "Playing with Fire." That wasn't a typo... I meant to say K-Fed is Britney's Wife, hehe. Mr. Britney Spears has said in the past that he doesn't care about people not liking him and that he'll let his music speak for itself. Well, the people have spoken so far: Check out his MySpace account.

Federline states, "My album is sure to set the dance floors across the world on fire! The inspiration and meaning behind the title Playing with Fire is self-explanatory." Ohh My God! I would like to state a quote from "Project Runway" member: "You can't polish a turd!"

Kevin does not currently have a record deal but says the reason is he's "weighing his options." Umm... Yup... That's why I don't have a record deal as well. What a coincidence!

Nude Britney Spears Photos

Latest news with Britney Spears? She's furios that someone has paid $40,000 to get nude photos of Spears. The photos supposedly came from previous boyfriend Justin Timberlake.

Spears is currently "flipping out" over the alledged photos and declares that, "the whole thing is a put up job - the photos are Britney's head put on someone else's body. We can thank Photoshop for that one ;) But ohhh wait, could this be legit? They website source "reportedly claims they are Brit as a teen completely nude!"

Timberlake's rep even says "It is complete bull." How could this have occured you ask? The report points out that Brit and JT were distraught after thieves broke into their Florida vacation home and made off with some stolen home videos back in 2001. Is it possible that Spears is taking the new standard route to refreshing your popularity points and releasing a "Sex Tape" next? God knows she could use the points ;)

Celebrities on MySpace

It appears that everyone is on MySpace lately... including celebrities. Instead of scouring through more than 50 Million users on MySpace to find celebrities, I decided to let you see some of them all in one page :)

Kevin Federline - Britney Spears’ husband and father of her child.
Carson Daily - The offical Myspace page of MTV’s host of TRL.
Kelly Osbourne - Singer, Solo Artist and daughter of rock star Ozzy Osbourne.
Jamie - MTV’s Real World San Diego.
Jenna Jameson - I think every guy reading this knows who she is.
Frankie - MTV’s Real World San Diego.
Elisha Cuthbert - Actress from many movies, but most memorable (for me) is the girl from Old School. (bosses daugher)
Tyra Banks - Talk show host and supermodel.
Mia Tyler - Steven Tyler’s (Aerosmith) daugther.
Trishelle - MTV's Real World & Playboy
Dane Cook - Hillarious Stand-Up comedian!
Veronica - MTV's Real World - Also posed nude!
William Shatner - Star Trek and many commercials as of late.
Kelly Clarkson - Popular pop singer - started on American Idol
Keanu Reeves - The Matrix and a ton of other movies.
Joe Rogan - Fear Factor Host
WWE Members:
JBL, John Cena, Billy Kidman, Triple H, Gregory Helms, Steven Richerds
X-Play's Members:
Adam Sessler, Morgan Webb

Chantelle + Brooke = Sexy

As if Chantelle, the Paris Hilton look-alike, was not hot enough, she had to go ahead and admit how much she loves the body of another babe, Kelly Brook. Chantelle states, "Kelly Brook has an amazing figure. I just love her curves. She's so shapely. She's a great example to real women around the country. She proves that curves really are sexy."

Chantelle prefers to stay skinny, and is very happy with her current look and style. "I'm not skinny, I'm curvy, but I think that's the best way to be. Womanly. It's sexy!"

I couldn't agree more Chantelle, and if I it's between a little bit too much "meat" on the bones vs. the Lindsay Lohan experience... I definitely choose the Meat!

50 Grand to take the "Rap"

Carey Kelly is having a little brotherly love issues, or lack there of rather. Carey was supposedly offered $50,000.00 by his big brother R. Kelly to take the rap on the underaged sex video. Just because the two brothers look very similar, doesn't mean you can lie on the witness stand!

Hell No! I wouldn't take the blame for a fellow sibling and spend time in jail either man! Carrey stated, "I got a call about a year-and-a-half ago. My brother wanted me to do some shit pertaining to this case that would leave me behind bars with a record deal. It doesn't make sense, so I turned it down… Since I couldn't lie for him in a court of law, we're back beefing again and we ain't brothers no more."

R. Kelly propositioned his brother in the hot tub - just so he could verify no wire was being used. While needing the money intensely (because he had been sleeping in a car) said, "I'd rather get it on my own than sell my soul, so that's why I'm speaking the truth." Carey Kelly also claims that R. abuses his wife, attempted to molest his other brother's daughter and molested their 12-year-old second cousin. He also alleged that the R&B star is bisexual and is "in the closet for real."

Thanks Carey, keep on spilling the dirt and we'll keep jabbin' about it :)

One celebrities garbage is another man's treasure

Ohh, this is un-frickin-believable! A new Hollywood Museum is going which will contain literal pieces of garbage from well-known celebrities. Some of the pieces of trash consist of Britney Spears' chewing gum and Michael Jackson's old nose, LOL!

The diva's Spears' discarded gum, which she spits out in public, has already been sold 37 times already on eBay for as much as $14,000! Who the F*** wants this sl*ts old nasty bubble gum? And Michael Jackson's nose: I'd actually pay up to $5.00 maybe $10.00 for that treasure. It's just damn hillarious.

You may ask... who's rediculous idea was it to rummage through celeb's garbage and put it in a museum? Claxton Pustule, thats who! His father recently passed away, and inherited $4 million. Let's make papa proud, and waste all his money on trash!

Sienna Miller out of Control?

If drinking alcohol and acting like a fool is against the law, then you best lock me up! Celebrities are no different - they deserve the same freedom that we deserve to make complete bumbling idiots of ourselves. Well, were not being paparazzie'd every three seconds on our dumb moves anyways.

Sienna Miller is just like the rest of us and "New Idea" had the balls to worryingly ask "Is Sienna Miller out of control?" Pals of Sienna Miller are also stating she is "teetering on the brink of burnout as she acts increasingly out of control."

So what if Miller was spotted "chopping her own hair with a pair of scissors" before a photo shoot, or she sat cross-legged and waved glow sticks "erratically" and obviously had a few drinks and was all over the place; didn't seem to care who was watching.

Pamela Anderson Blows a Ton

Pamela Anderson just purchased a two-bedroom penthouse unit west of the Las Vegas strip. I never realized that she was this wealthy, but the unit costed more than 2 Million Dollars! This must be one F*** of a penthouse to cost over $2 million and only has two bedrooms.

The kicker is, the development of her new living space is not even finished. It must be mighty popular because Tobey Maguire, Leonardo DiCaprio were also reported to have bought into the development. The reason for the heavy purchase? Anderson visits Las Vegas about six to eight times a year. At this rate of gambling visits, I'm surprised she can even rent a dump-like apartment!

2 Pac Immortalized in Wax

700 hours later, Madame Tussauds Wax Museum has sculpted a wax figure of 2 Pac. The final product, being 55 pounds in weight, is so detailed that it is shirtless, has a bandanna, and even his tattoes that were re-drawn by hand.

2 Pac himself never got to go on a world tour, so in memory of his 10-year reunion, his wax figure will be doing the flying for him. Other celebrities that have been created out of wax are Prince, Shaquille O’Neal, Will Smith, J.Lo, and James Brown.

Personally, I think these things are extremely creepy, especially since the movie House of Wax came out. I would never want a wax figure of myself... but to each its own :)

Sophie Anderton Titty Slip

I just found this beauty Oops Boob Slip of Sophie Anderton. Latest poop about this babe is she's trying to take it one day at a time - regarding her drug issues.

"I'd love to say it's well and truly behind me, but it's one day at a time. If I go to a party, I still can't go to the bathroom alone just in case somebody's doing drugs in there. I have to be careful and I can't hide from that. It's taken me a long time to get where I am now." says Anderson

Well, thank you anyways for a nice viewing of your boobies ;)

Kate Moss's Sexy Surprise

Who would have thought... that Kate Moss would splurge £200 on a SOLID GOLD VIBRATOR! Not only is this crazy sex toy expensive because it's freekin' pure gold, but it's a limited specialty item.

"Kate bought a Jimmyjane Little Something vibrator in 24-carat gold for a friend, and some lingerie for herself. J Lo, Britney, Salma Hayek, Uma Thurman - you name them, they all shop here."

Kate says she bought it for a "friend" and not for herself. Hmm, I guess it is kind of believable because you cant snort a vibrator to get high... or can you ;)

Team Beckham Unite

British newspaper News Of The World were given "defamation proceedings by David and Victoria Beckham." The married couple of 7 years, was classified as on the rocks, but are sticking through it to promote "Team Beckham."

A private settlement was met last week just so they didn't have to reveal the details of their marriage to London's High Court. Fearing that they were going to be cross-examined about their relationship, the two opted to resolve this matter in a "confidential basis."

What could you two be hiding?... No worries, we shall find out ;)

Get Real Lil' Kim

Anything to make a buck right Lil' Kim? Lil' Kim has a new show that began today called Lil' Kim: Countdown To Lockdown which focuses on her final few days before going to the jail.

"My name is Kimberly 'Lil' Kim' Jones. And I am innocent...Throughout my life and my whole entire career, I've been a survivor. Anybody who knows Lil' Kim knows that I have handled some obstacles." is how Jones began her show today. She is a survivor alright... but let's see if her tittie-showing heavy-blinging fake ass gets props in the big house!

The funny thing about this whole situation, is that it appears she isn't worried about going to jail. She is more focused on her next album coming out then getting greeted by larger-set beefy jailmates!

Sidekick Sucker Spotting

Technology is a B*****. Well, at least it is for celebrities with Sidekicks and nude photos of themselves on the Sidekicks! About a year ago, Paris Hilton had her Sidekick hijacked and naughty photos of Hilton and friends were spread among the Internet.

With a new version, comes a new hijacking. Pete Wentz, the bassist from the band Fall Out Boy, had his T-Mobile Sidekick II photos leaked. And why wouldn't it have nude photos of himself on it, haha!

Analysts say the photos are grainy and low-resolution, which means that Wentz is a bad photographer, and a moron!

Silly Doctor-Patient Story

Here's an Email I just recieved. It's hillarious and had to share it with everyone :)

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there and you say in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it's embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded Doctor's Waiting Room. As he approached the desk, the Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The Receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded Doctor's Room and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The Receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private" The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of others, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.
The Waiting Room erupted in laughter.

Streisand: The Political Buffoon

Surprisingly, I found out today that Barbra Streisand has her own site. Not only does she have her own website, but a blog and her own political-related articles!

Please, oh god please, read this article from Barbra Streisand and with all of your might, hold back the laughter! Maybe you should stick to acting and leave the politics to someone who... I don't know... knows What the F*** they are Talking About!?!

"Therefore, it’s critical that people elect members of the Democratic party to the House and Senate so that a new leadership can take control." is a small taste of what lies ahead in this bumbling buffoon's interpretation of intelligence.

"Twins" Second-Rate Cast

This new television show is jam-packed full of second-rate actors and actresses. To start off: we have the second sister in Roseanne, Sara Gilbert, who plays a twin sister and successful businesswoman. Next on our list we have Melanie Griffith, who played in many movies as a secondary star actress.

Mark Linn-Baker, who was the secondary actor to Bronson Pinchot (Balki), in Perfect Strangers, is also a major part of this new sitcom. To put the icing on the cake, I recently saw an episode and the words "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha" came to my head. Yes, Jan Brady, or in real life called by the name Eve Plumb, joined the cast. She was even known in The Brady Bunch, to be the second-liked female in the family!

All being said, it seems that The WB whipped up all the second-best characters in previous shows they could find and threw them all on a set. Now, even though I thought this one and only episode I'll be watching was somewhat humorous, It is classifed as an "Awkward and badly written" sitcom. The only way this baby is going to become successful is if Balki from Perfect Strangers comes on, and we remove the rest of the cast :)

How to Buy a Celebrity

The wax museum "Movieland" stopped showing celebrity wax figures last October and is now auctioning off all the wax characters. Hollywood stars and starletts are not the only thing for sale. You can even buy the actual stage and set! A total of 200 wax beauties and 120 sets will be auctioned off.

The real kicker is... you don't have to purchase the entire wax figurine. You can just purchase the parts you want, LOL! Hmm, I'll take Angelina's Boo-boos and Tom Jones's "Kick-Stand" third leg, haha. It would actually be pretty fun to purchase all different character's body parts and play mix and match ;)

Han Solo vs. Harrison Ford

Harrison Ford wants to kill off the Star Wars character Han Solo. Why you ask Harrison reveals "I did think the character itself was relatively thin. I would have liked to see some complication for the character; the only complication I didn't get was to die at the end of the third one. I thought that would have given the whole film a bottom, but I couldn't talk George [Lucas] into it."

Ford, while dating the Ally McBeal star Calista Flockhart, even admitted that he hates being famous! Yah, like he would be dating her if he wasn't famous! Ford states "[Being a] Celebrity is a pain in the ass. I think the loss of anonymity is the greatest trade you make. There's no way to imagine what the loss of anonymity will do to your life until you differ it."

In all reality Harrison, would you rather be dating a hot actress, have millions of dollars, and be in the history books for such classics as Star Wars and Indiana Jones; or be paying rent in a crumby apartment living paycheck to paycheck like the rest of us?

Lindsay Lohan Nipple Slip

Well, as well all know Lindsay Lohan went through an "anorexic" phase and it appears that her figure (including her boo-boos) are coming back to their original size. Thank god! Good to have you back Lohan's body. Keep on showing - and we'll keep on telling!

Some say that this celebrity oops occured at the fasion show because of a "wardrobe malfunction." MY ASS! This was definitely intentional - but I'm not one to complain so enjoy this High Quality pic of Lindsay Lohan's Nipple slip :)

As Per Requested

Someone recently commented that one of my photos does not link to a larger version of that picture. I apologize to my readers that were per chance misled in this occurance. As a solemn oath I promise to have a larger version of the picture, if I post a thumbnail. My readers are number one, and I plan to keep them happy. If you have any other comments, requests, or just want to spit some words at me please feel free to do so here :)

Naughty Celebs

Friday, March 31, 2006

Kelly Osbourne the Writer

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Cover Your Ass Kidman

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

K-Fed: The Ultimate Tool

Monday, March 27, 2006

Nude Britney Spears Photos

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Celebrities on MySpace

Friday, March 24, 2006

Chantelle + Brooke = Sexy

Thursday, March 23, 2006

50 Grand to take the "Rap"

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

One celebrities garbage is another man's treasure

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Sienna Miller out of Control?

Monday, March 20, 2006

Pamela Anderson Blows a Ton

Friday, March 17, 2006

2 Pac Immortalized in Wax

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Sophie Anderton Titty Slip

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Kate Moss's Sexy Surprise

Monday, March 13, 2006

Team Beckham Unite

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Get Real Lil' Kim

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Sidekick Sucker Spotting

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Silly Doctor-Patient Story

Monday, March 06, 2006

Streisand: The Political Buffoon

Sunday, March 05, 2006

"Twins" Second-Rate Cast

Friday, March 03, 2006

How to Buy a Celebrity

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Han Solo vs. Harrison Ford

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Lindsay Lohan Nipple Slip

As Per Requested

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